The Gamer Girl’s Comeback Playbook

17 comments

As a woman playing competitive online multiplayer games like Overwatch and CS:GO, it can be disappointingly common to encounter targeted, sexist harassment. For whatever reason, when certain types of players realize they are playing with or against a woman, they just kind of freak out –– aaaabsolutely cannot handle it at all. Yet somehow, harassers never expect spicy trash talk in response.

Ladies, you’ve heard it all before. Sometimes they are angry and insulting even when you are better than them. Sometimes they hit on you and make explicit sexual comments. Sometimes they are loudly, verbally abusive. Why? That’s a topic worth a post of its own I’ll let to eventually. If you’ve never experienced this or seen someone else deal with it, count yourself lucky.

Sure, you can mute people who act like asshats online and report them (report every time!), but that isn’t always satisfying and may not make you feel better about the situation, and you may never know if your report did anything.

There comes a time when you may get tired of taking the high road (though it is the nobler path) and want to give these scumbags a piece of your mind instead by fighting fire with fire. Maybe you feel like stooping to their level for once and leave them speechless as they awkwardly scramble for a response. This is your level now.

The following are a series of personally tested retorts and comebacks. Turn the tables and show them you won’t take it sitting down. Give ’em hell, girls!


The Gamer Girl’s Comeback Playbook

Note: Delivery is important and mileage may vary. Be confident!


1. The Sizzler

Them: “OMG A GRILL!!”

You: “That’s Miss George Foreman to you. Sounds like you’re all smoke and no fire.”

2. The Not Your Momma

Them: “Get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich!”

You: “Does baby still need his mommy to make snacks for him? Does baby need a bottle?”

3. The Attenborough (best with a convincing British accent)

Them: “No wonder we’re losing, we have a giiiirl. GG.”

You: “Ahh yes, here we see the young North American neckbeard in his native habitat attempting to hide his many insecurities behind raucous bravado. What a sad ballad he squeals. Unsurprisingly, he does not impress the herd…”

3. The Ol’ Switcheroo

Them: “You’re a b*tch/sl*t/wh*re!”

You: “I’m sorry, I can’t talk to you when you’re being so emotional. Are you PMSing? Have you tried calming down?”

4. The Kill ’em With Kindness

Them: “[Ongoing aggressive toxicity]”.

You (with genuine concern/confusion): “Are you okay?”, “Do you need help?”, “Are you sure you’re okay?”, “Are you having a stroke?”, etc.

(Repeat until they stop talking. This is surprisingly effective against very aggressive trolls.)

5. The Morpheus

Them: “You aren’t a real girl. Girls don’t exist on the internet!”

You: “What if I told you that over half the world’s population is female? What’s it like for you when you leave your house?”

(They usually chuckle and say they never go outside. Shocker.)

6. The Emasculator

Them: “[Sexual comment of any kind].”

You (to your team): “Awww, you can tell he’s never had a girlfriend before. So cute and innocent.”

7. The Body Shame Reversal

Them: “I bet you’re fat and ugly!”

You (to your team): “He’s just mad that his boobs are bigger than mine.”

(Bodying shaming is never ok, but come on– they started it.)

8. The Doctor Cox

Them: “Girls can’t play games!”

You: “I’m not playing the game with my fallopian tubes, Suzie Q. Shut your banana holster and get on the point.”

9. The Professor Oak

Them: “Are you a girl?!”

You: “I dunno Prof. Figured you’d be smart enough to tell on your own. Guess not.”

10.  The Backhand

Them: “You’re pretty good for a girl.” 

You: “Gee thanks! You’re pretty insightful for a moron.”


If you have ideas of more comebacks to add, please let me know! I’m aware some of these may be controversial, but to each their own. If you are faint of heart, please do not engage internet bullies as their reactions can sometimes be over the top. These comebacks are for your own amusement only.

Thank you for reading!

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17 comments on “The Gamer Girl’s Comeback Playbook”

  1. I usually play PvE, but I totally love this post!! Definitely will come in handy when I start streaming. Thanks for sharing!! 😎🎮✨

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am male and I can’t stand it either. As a male I actually see it as a weakness if someone becomes “Notgeil” (horny) as we say in Germany just because of a female voice. It’s ridiculous. I am admin in TeamSpeak only mostly play with my friends and avoid public teams as much as I can. That doesn’t mean that we aren’t open to invite new people into our TeamSpeak, and it happened in the past… but if there was a new person who showed this behaviour, I swung the ban hammer quite early (TeamSpeak is set up on a way that you can’t get past the lobby without rights, so there won’t be access anymore, and it’s funny if they attempt it).

    My close friends see it the same way. People can have fun with us, and we’re also sometimes into sarcasm, but we simply don’t want to have weak people in our TeamSpeak. Have you heard about how we Germans have words for everything? The word “fremdschämen” for example means that you feel embarrassed for someone else… I think the closest English term for it might be “second-hand embarrassment”. When ever someone started to flirt in TeamsSpeak because a female entered, I heavily felt that… I think the English term “cringe” comes very close to “fremdschämen” as well. And in our group, we don’t like that feeling, which is why we have a zero tolerance policy.

    Apart from that, I feel responsible for what is going on in our TeamSpeak. And I want that womans feel a nice atmosphere as we do. A month ago I met a woman in PUBG and she was invited into our TeamSpeak. After a couple of hours she seriously mentioned how surprised she was that none of us tried to hit on her with jokes, or sexually. It must be that common, that it was strange for her not to experience the same on our server lol. It’s a shame.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment and I am sorry I didn’t see it sooner! I’m really happy to hear there are advocates out there who totally understand the issue. I love that you have a word for feeling embarrassed for someone else. “Cringey” came to mind immediately as well. Yes it is very uncommon to enter a new gaming community as a women and not get hit on or harassment. It’s pretty insane. I’m happy your server is doing so well! 🙂

      Like

  3. For some reason, in The Attenborough I misread ” raucous bravado” as “raunchy avocado” (Freudian slip, anyone?)

    10/10 would definitely hide my insecurities behind vulgar vegetables (or bawdy berries?) again.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m glad you’re amused! I noticed you’re also kinda new to blogging so I wanted to follow you. I highly recommend engaging with the nerd blogging community at large. It’s very wholesome. 🙂

      Like

      1. Yeah, I am on WordPress for about a week now and I am currently sifting through the hundreds of thousands pages of available content, especially concerning video games and writing in general. It seems the people here are rather well connected, so slowly but surely I am trying to become a part of this community 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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